Low self-esteem 💔⬇️ is common in the ADHD community. I appeared to be accomplished enough on the surface at school and at work, but I CONSTANTLY feel INADEQUATE
- Even when I achieve something impressive, I almost never feel good about it
- 😞🏢🏫 Imposter syndrome: I fear if people knew what I was like under the mask I put on, they will dislike me
Potential causes [based on my personal experience]:
- 🎢Inconsistency: My ability to execute on a plan is often either 0% or 100% with little in between
- 🎲Either I can put together a whole slidedeck in an hour, or spend a day with my brain spinning to churn out 2 slides
- 🌪️Feeling out of control: I know what I’m capable of but can’t reliably predict or replicate that productivity, resulting in feeling like I lack control over my actions
- 📉Sense of underachievement: "If I can just be consistent and perform at a consistent level, I would achieve my potential!"
- Failure at seemingly easy things due to executive function challenges:
- 💭 Distractibility: I walk into a room to take out the dirty mugs and somehow walk out with my phone. All the “Ugh why did I just do that” adds up, exacerbated by finding unfinished tasks everywhere I look
- 🗝️Forgetfulness: Did I lock the door? Did I turn off the stove? Did I eat lunch?
- 📆 Planning failure: Forgetting to load up my bus pass every month, getting charged extra month after month, yet never learning the lesson
- 🕰️ Time management challenges: Everyday is a rushing chaotic scramble - I run late for my appointments, am late for work and late on assignments
- 💔Criticism: All these challenges lead to receiving more criticism and the criticism leads to sky-high anxiety and fear of failure
- 🌧️Comparison with others:
- The voice in my head asking “Why can’t you just be normal?” Why can others remember movie details, keep habits, enjoy hobbies, remember what was on the news?
- 🤐 Social challenges: Never feeling like I fit in with others and always feel self-conscious
📉 Accumulation of negative experiences over years led to persistent, chronic self-criticism, feelings of inadequacy, and low self-esteem.
- I try to overcompensate in other, often unhealthy, ways. For examples, Sometimes I punish myself by staying up late to get things done because I need to “teach myself a lesson” and suffer for my inadequacy
What helped?
Since my diagnosis, many strategies I’ve incorporated has been helpful:
- 🧠Understanding how ADHD symptoms manifest and avoid seeing symptoms as a failure on my part
- Having memory or attention struggles is not a reflection of me being a bad person or having a personality defect
- These are symptoms associated with the neurobiological disorder
- 🤝Acknowledging that seemingly simple tasks can be difficult
- Recognizing that what’s easy for others may not be easy for me
- It's ok if I need10 alarms in 5 minute intervals to make it on time
- 🔃I don’t need to compare myself to neurotypical standards
- If paying bills is a challenge for me, I can put in additional systems or find strategies to overcome it
- 🎉Celebrate the small wins, and recognizing that progress is better than perfection
- Did I pay that bill on time? It may be a small thing, but that’s a win regardless
- 🤗Practicing self-compassion and forgiving myself
- The odds may be stacked against me, and some days are better than others, everyone fall short sometimes
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